Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
