College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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