final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
