there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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