I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
