she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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