I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize