I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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