I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
