Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
