he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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