I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want her autograph on my taint
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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