i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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