You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
