I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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