So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
