my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
