your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
