When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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