I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
