Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
