Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
