Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
