trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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