I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
