I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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