You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
