Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
