AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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