How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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