Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
