I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
