Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
