I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
