the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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