Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
