y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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