i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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