I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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