I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
