According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
