he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
