but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
