i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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