you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
