At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
