Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what day is it and did you see me today?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
