ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
