You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
