you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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