i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
