please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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