One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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