Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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