You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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