For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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