Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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