I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
