That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
