just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
