I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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