I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
