this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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