You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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