laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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