I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
