If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I understand Curling. That high.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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