That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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