Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do vagina's smell?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
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So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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