I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
